How to Have More Intentional Time After Having a Baby: Connection and Communication Strategies

Adjusting to life after having a baby can be both beautiful and overwhelming, especially when it comes to maintaining intentional time with your spouse and other loved ones! I know that well as a mom of four. That is why as a therapist and at Alive Counselling in Kelowna I am passionate about supporting couples during this unique season–because I have definitely been there!

Here are some communication strategies and practical ways to stay connected:

1. Prioritize Small but Meaningful Moments

Micro-moments of connection: Even if you don’t have long stretches of time, small gestures (like a long hug, a loving text, or a few minutes of eye contact) can keep you connected.
Scheduled check-ins: Set a regular time each day (even just 10–15 minutes) to talk without distractions—maybe after the baby is asleep or during a walk.

2. Use Clear and Kind Communication

Express your needs gently: Instead of assuming your spouse knows what you need, try saying, “I feel really tired today and could use a break. Would you mind taking the baby for a bit?”
Use “I” statements: “I feel overwhelmed when I don’t get time to connect with you. Can we plan some intentional time together this week?”
Ask open-ended questions: “What has been the hardest part of this transition for you?” This invites deeper conversations.

3. Make Time for Each Other in New Ways

Quick connection rituals: A morning coffee together, a short prayer, or a goodnight chat can help you stay emotionally close.
Intentional date nights: Even if it’s at home after the baby sleeps, light a candle, have a dessert together, or watch a show you both love.
Multitask bonding: Talk while doing chores, take a stroller walk together, or listen to a podcast and discuss it.

4. Give Grace and Keep Perspective

Accept imperfection: This season is exhausting, and it’s okay if intentional time looks different than before. Small efforts matter.
Celebrate small wins: Even a short, meaningful moment together is a success!
Stay on the same team: When things get tough, remind each other, “We’re in this together.”

Would love to hear—what has been the biggest challenge in staying connected since having your baby? 💛

A big challenge I hear from couples in this season of life is that when we (finally) get time together it is usually after baby is asleep and we. are. so . tired. So here is a real, practical, and even professional reflection on using TV time for connection.

How to Have Us Time After Baby is Asleep –but We are So Tired From Work and Just Life to be Intentional and Just Want to Watch TV

That makes total sense! After a long day of work, parenting, and life, it’s exhausting to even think about “intentional time.” Sometimes, the easiest thing to do is crash on the couch and watch TV. And you know what? That’s okay! Intentional time doesn’t have to mean deep conversations or grand gestures—it just means being present together in ways that fill your connection.

Here’s how to make “lazy” time more intentional without adding pressure:

1. Make TV Time More Connected

Cuddle up instead of sitting separately—physical touch fosters connection even when words are few.
Pick a show or movie you both enjoy so it feels like shared time, not just zoning out.
Pause for quick check-ins—ask, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s something that made you laugh today?”
Make it fun—grab a favorite snack, light a candle, or make a cozy space so it feels intentional rather than default.

2. Create a “5-Minute Connection Rule”

Before you turn on the TV, take just five minutes to:

Sit close and share one thing you’re grateful for.
Give each other a real hug or kiss (not just a quick peck).
Pray together if that’s meaningful for you.
Do a quick “highs and lows” of the day.

Five minutes of connection before TV can make a big difference over time!

3. Use Commercials or Episode Breaks Wisely

During a commercial or episode break, ask a lighthearted question (“If we could take a weekend trip anywhere, where would you want to go?”).
Do a quick stretch or hand massage for each other—small gestures like this build intimacy without effort.

4. Redefine “Intentional” for This Season

Being intentional doesn’t mean doing something elaborate—it just means making small choices that reinforce your bond. If watching TV together is what helps you both unwind, then make peace with that being your “us time” for now—but with a little extra connection sprinkled in.

Does this sound doable? Or would you want some ideas for low-energy ways to connect outside of TV time? 💛

How to Have Intentional Time as a Couple After Baby (Even When You’re Exhausted)

Life after having a baby is beautiful, but let’s be real—it’s also exhausting. Between work, parenting, and just keeping up with life, by the time the baby is asleep, all you want to do is crash on the couch and watch TV. The idea of having “intentional time” together can feel like one more thing on an already overwhelming to-do list.

But what if I told you that intentional time doesn’t have to mean deep conversations, grand date nights, or extra energy? What if it could be built right into what you’re already doing—like watching TV? Here’s how to stay connected as a couple, even when you’re completely wiped out.

1. Make TV Time More Connected

If all you have the energy for is watching TV together, that’s okay! The key is to turn it into a shared experience rather than just zoning out separately. Here’s how:

Cuddle up instead of sitting on opposite sides of the couch—physical touch fosters connection, even without words.
Choose a show or movie you both enjoy so it feels like quality time rather than just background noise.
Make it an experience—light a candle, grab a favorite snack, or cozy up with blankets to make it feel intentional.
Pause for quick check-ins—ask, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s something that made you smile today?”
Make it fun—guess plot twists, share your favorite characters, or reminisce about the first shows you watched together when dating.

2. Try the “5-Minute Connection Rule” Before the TV Goes On

Before you hit play, take just five minutes to connect. It might not seem like much, but over time, these small moments strengthen your relationship. Here are some easy ideas:

Sit close and share one thing you’re grateful for.
Give each other a real hug or kiss (not just a quick peck in passing).
Say a short prayer together if that’s meaningful to you.
Share a “high and low” of your day.

Five intentional minutes before TV can make a big difference over time, and then you can relax guilt-free!

3. Use Commercials or Episode Breaks Wisely

Even if you don’t have the energy for a long talk, you can still connect in small ways:

During a commercial or episode break, ask a lighthearted question (“If we could take a weekend trip anywhere, where would you want to go?”).
Do a quick stretch together—movement helps relieve stress.
Offer a mini hand or shoulder massage—physical touch builds intimacy without effort.

4. Redefine “Intentional Time” for This Season

Right now, your life is full. You’re both tired, and that’s okay. Intentional time doesn’t have to mean long, deep talks or extra effort—it just means small, meaningful moments that keep you feeling like a team. If watching TV together is what helps you unwind, then make peace with that being your “us time” for now. Just add in small touches of connection along the way.

Final Thoughts

This season of life won’t last forever, and neither will the exhaustion. The key is to prioritize connection in small, doable ways rather than feeling guilty for not having elaborate date nights. Give yourself grace, lean into the little moments, and remind each other that you’re in this together. 💛

Do you have a favorite way to connect when you’re exhausted? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Contact Alive Counselling

How to Have More Intentional Time After Having a Baby: Connection and Communication Strategies