How to Help Your Youth Athlete With Nerves and Performance Anxiety
Youth Athlete Performance Anxiety: A Parent’s Guide to Nerves, Symptoms & What Actually Helps
Your daughter is doubled over in the locker room ten minutes before the game. Pale. Sweating. Sick to her stomach — the kind of sick that looks like she caught the flu on the way to the rink. You ask the obvious question: “Are you nervous, honey?”
“No,” she says. “I’m excited.”
And here’s the thing — she’s not lying to you. If your young athlete has ever shown up with stomach aches, headaches, or vomiting before a game, tryout, or performance, but insists they aren’t nervous, you’re not imagining a pattern. This is one of the most common — and most misunderstood — presentations of performance anxiety in youth athletes, and it’s exactly what I work with families on every week, both as a counsellor and as a mental performance coach.
What Is Performance Anxiety in Youth Athletes?
Performance anxiety is the body’s stress-activation response showing up specifically around performing — a game, a tryout, a recital, a big test. In young athletes, it often doesn’t look like the anxiety we picture in adults. It rarely shows up as a kid saying “I’m scared.” It shows up as a stomach ache. A headache. A meltdown in the car. A sudden “I don’t feel good” ten minutes before warm-ups. That’s because a child’s body can register threat and activation long before their brain has the vocabulary — or the willingness — to call it “nervous.”
Why Kids Don’t Always Say “I’m Nervous”
Nervous and excited feel almost identical inside the body. Both are the nervous system hitting the gas pedal: heart rate up, breathing shallow, blood moving away from digestion and out toward the arms and legs, ready to move. The only real difference is the label the brain assigns afterward. A young athlete who loves their sport often genuinely experiences that activation as excitement — because to them, this is the best part of their week, not the scariest. The trouble is, when that activation climbs high enough, the body can tip into real physical symptoms regardless of what label the child puts on the feeling.
Symptoms of Performance Anxiety in Young Athletes
| Category | What It Can Look Like |
|---|---|
| Physical | Stomach aches or nausea, vomiting before games, headaches, pale or flushed skin, shaky hands, racing heart, needing the bathroom repeatedly, trouble sleeping the night before |
| Emotional | Irritability or sudden tears, going quiet or withdrawn, saying “I don’t want to go” without explaining why, perfectionism, frustration with small mistakes |
| Behavioral | Avoiding warm-ups, asking to sit out, procrastinating getting dressed for the game, sudden confidence drops right before puck drop, kickoff, or first routine |
| Cognitive | Racing thoughts, difficulty focusing on instructions, catastrophizing (“I’m going to mess up,” “everyone’s watching me”) |
If your child denies feeling “nervous” but shows several of these symptoms consistently before performing, that gap between what they say and what their body is doing is itself meaningful information — not a contradiction to untangle, but a pattern to work with.
The Goalie’s Perspective: Why Some Positions Feel It More
I spent my playing career as a goalie — USA Hockey, Shattuck-St. Mary’s, and Ohio State — which is about as individualized a job as you can have inside a team sport. Every other player on the ice has teammates beside them in the moment of a mistake. A goalie doesn’t. The puck is either stopped or it isn’t, in front of everyone, in real time. That’s not so different from a pitcher on the mound, a kicker lining up a field goal, a gymnast alone on the beam, a penalty-kick taker, or a serve in tennis. These high-visibility, individualized-within-a-team (or fully individual) roles tend to concentrate performance anxiety in a very specific way, because there’s nowhere for the pressure to diffuse.
That experience — plus now raising four kids of my own through youth sports, and working across every sport from hockey to gymnastics to swimming to soccer — is exactly why this work is personal to me, not just professional.
What Causes Performance Anxiety in Young Athletes?
- Fear of letting others down — teammates, coaches, or parents watching
- Perfectionism, often in kids who are already high performers
- A jump in level — new team, new league, tryouts, a more competitive tier
- High-visibility or individualized roles within a team sport (goalie, pitcher, kicker) or fully individual sports (gymnastics, swimming, tennis, golf, dance)
- Comparison — to teammates, older siblings, or their own past performance
- Undeveloped emotional vocabulary — the body is activated, but the child has no accurate label for what’s happening
How to Help: Tools Parents Can Use Today
- Name the body, not the feeling. Instead of “Are you nervous?” try “What’s your body telling you right now?” This sidesteps denial and builds real self-awareness.
- Use a 0–10 feeling scale. A simple “how big is the feeling right now” scale gives kids language without requiring them to admit anything is wrong.
- Build a consistent pre-game routine. The same warm-up sequence, every single time, teaches the nervous system that this moment is safe because it’s familiar.
- Practice box breathing together. In for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 — one of the fastest tools to bring an overactive body back down.
- Watch what you say in the car. Skip outcome talk (scouts, scoring, mistakes from last game) right before performing. Stick to connection: “I love watching you play.”
When to Seek Professional Support
Home strategies genuinely help many families. However, just like you have team coaches, it can be beneficial to add a “mental” coach to your team of support for your young athlete:
- Physical symptoms are frequent enough that your athlete is starting to dread or avoid their sport
- Symptoms have a medical diagnosis (like stress-triggered “stomach migraines”) that persists despite home strategies
- Confidence and enjoyment are visibly dropping even as skill improves
- You want a personalized plan built around your child’s specific sport, position, and history
FAQ: Performance Anxiety in Youth Athletes
What are the signs of performance anxiety in young athletes? The most common signs are physical: stomach aches, nausea, vomiting, headaches, or a racing heart before games or performances. Behaviorally, watch for avoidance (not wanting to go), sudden confidence drops, perfectionism, or irritability in the hours before performing.
Why does my child say they’re excited, not nervous, but still gets sick before games? Excitement and nervousness are the same physical sensation in the body — nervous system activation. Many kids genuinely experience that activation as excitement rather than fear, especially if they love their sport, but the body can still tip into physical symptoms like nausea or vomiting when the activation gets high enough, regardless of which label the child uses.
How can I help my youth athlete with nerves before a game? Start with the body, not the label — ask what they’re noticing physically rather than whether they’re nervous. Build a consistent pre-game routine, practice a simple breathing exercise together, and keep pre-game conversation focused on connection rather than outcomes or past mistakes.
Is performance anxiety more common in certain sports positions? Yes. Positions that are highly visible or individualized within a team — goalies, pitchers, kickers — and fully individual sports like gymnastics, swimming, tennis, and dance tend to concentrate performance pressure more intensely, since there’s less room for the moment to be shared with teammates.
When should I get professional help for my child’s sports anxiety? Consider professional support if physical symptoms are frequent, if there’s a medical diagnosis tied to stress that isn’t improving with home strategies, or if your child’s confidence and enjoyment of their sport are dropping even as their skill improves.
Can performance anxiety affect a young athlete even if they’re one of the best players on the team? Yes — performance anxiety is very common in high-performing, perfectionistic young athletes, often because the pressure to maintain a standard they’ve already set for themselves is internal, not just external.
Next Steps: Get Support For You and Your Youth Athlete
Located in British Columbia? Connect with us here!
Located in the US?
For families outside BC, Barbara also offers online mindset coaching for youth athletes and families for performance anxiety through Alive Coaching Group, available across the U.S.
About the Author: Barbara is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Approved Clinical Supervisor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors, and founder of Alive Counselling, an 18-therapist mental health clinic in Kelowna. A former elite goalie (2x USA Hockey National Champion, Shattuck-St. Mary’s, Ohio State NCAA D-1) and professional coach (Ohio State, University of British Columbia, Pursuit of Excellence (now RINK) Hockey Academy, Elite Goalies), and mom of four young athletes, she specializes in mental health and mental performance coaching for youth, teen, adult, and professional athletes across every sport.